Evil Clown for hire, specializes in scaring children

Finally, it's here! What every parent has been waiting for: a self-described evil clown, who you can pay to stalk and terrorize your child!

No more trading cheap booze to homeless guys to do that for you, now you can hire a professional evil clown and get the job done right.

The evil clown "stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes. He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked."

And then smashes a pie into the kid's little face.

It's wise to target children with this service, as they are less likely to sue for damages. And they will be scarred for decades, never able to get the terrifying experience out of their heads, which will surely lead to a good word-of-mouth reputation and increased business.