Friday, July 30, 2010

Betty Draper's Guide to Parenting

Mad Men is back for season 4, and in addition to all the drinking and smoking, we get to see how parenting was a little different back in the 1960's. Betty Draper illustrates how to be a 60's mom who is completely uninterested in the children's self-esteem.

Here are some key links to "Mad Men" coverage, reviews and discussion on the web:

Alan Sepinwall's TV reviews.

Sepinwall interviews Matthew Weiner about the upcoming season.

Television Without Pity's episode recaps.

Tim Goodman's TV reviews.

Slate magazine Mad Men discussion.

Tennesee's Next Governor

Basil Marceaux seems like a strong candidate for governor. If you want to sell grass for gas, then he's your man!

This video is subtitled so you won't miss any of Basil's fascinating proposals for Tennessee's future:

Basil's almost surely fake website clarifies his stance on a lot of important issues.

He writes:

a. School violents
b. Add reading of the minutes to the U.S.Congress mandatory
c. Get more of the lottery money to 1-12

2.Equal Health care
a. a free gift program
b. take a look at and redo all mandtory insurance programs
c. See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people

3.Citzens Safety+Citizens Constitution Rights

4.Improving Our Environment


6.Open doors more for manufactures

7.My plan will give the state free gas for all governmental cars and trucks

8.Make the U.S. Flag in all state buildings and court fly right. if you fly a U.S.Flag you will fly it right."

It's clear: either you're with Basil or you're with the terrorists. The fact is, a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people. You can't argue against that.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Toys to prepare your child for a lifetime of menial labor

Here's a preview of the rest of your life, kid. Get ready for decades of flipping burgers.

Keep those expectations low enough and you'll never be disappointed, junior!

And while you're perusing the surprisingly funny Cracked website for children's toys, don't forget to give the kids some of the Most Outrageously Unintentionally Perverted Toys ever.

What parent doesn't want to give their child a depressing or disturbing toy? Might as well get them used to real life at an early age, right?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Greatest goal celebration of all time

Icelandic soccer team fishes for glory.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Brew Dog: End of History (of beer)

Scotsmen who like to dress up in animal costumes claim to have brewed the world's strongest beer, and it's poured out of a (hopefully) taxidermied dead forest creature.

The End of History from BrewDog on Vimeo.

50% alcohol.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mad Mel

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Unfortunately burned-out signs

Buzzfeed has a photo collection of Unfortunately Burned Out Signs.

Unfortunate for who?

Sports = gay?

The Huffington Post has selected The Most Homoerotic Sports photos ever.

Not that there's anything wrong with it!

That Jeter and Arod shot will be appearing on T-shirts all over Boston soon.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Iceland's Best Party = the best political party

This month's Harper's magazine has a translation of the platform of Iceland's Best Party, the satirical protest group that surprisingly won 34% of the vote in the spring elections, giving the mayorship of Reykjavik to comedian Jon Gnarr.


"Our policies are the best policies.

Establish equality. Everyone deserves the best, regardless of who they are and where they come from. We will do our best for everyone so that everyone can be together on the best team.

Stop corruption. We promise to stop corruption. We’ll accomplish this by participating in it openly.

Improve the lot of those who are less able to help themselves. We want the best of everything for this bunch and therefore offer free access to buses and swimming pools so you can travel around Reykjav√≠k and be clean even if you’re poor or there’s something wrong with you.

Free bus service for students and cripples. We can offer more free things than any other party because we aren’t going to follow through with it. We could say whatever we want—for example, free flights for women or free cars for people who live in rural areas. It’s all the same.

Free dental care for children and cripples. This is something that is lacking, and we definitely want to take part in promising it.

Free access to swimming pools for everyone and free towels. This is something that everyone should fall for, and it’s the election promise we’re most proud of.

Listen more to women and old people. This bunch gets listened to far too little. It’s as if everyone thinks they are just complaining or something. We’re going to change that.

make those who are responsible for the economic collapse answer the charges. Felt we had to include this."

Now that's a political party that sounds like the best! Who wouldn't support those policies? Even if they admittedly don't mean them, they should still win, because they are the best.

Gathering of the juggalos infomercial

This is probably the only festival ever that offers both seminars AND wrestling. Also "comradery."

Working poor? Get used to it.

Robert Reich explains why even people who still have jobs have less money.

Key paragraph on how this affects politics and everything in our culture:

"What we get from widening inequality is not only a more fragile economy but also an angrier politics. When virtually all the gains from growth go to a small minority at the top-- and the broad middle class can no longer pretend it's richer than it is by using homes as collateral for deepening indebtedness-- the result is deep-seated anxiety and frustration. This is an open invitation to demagogues who misconnect the dots and direct the anger toward immigrants, the poor, foreign nations, big government, "socialists," "intellectual elites," or even big business and Wall Street. The major fault line in American politics is no longer between Democrats and Republicans, liberals and conservatives, but between the "establishment" and an increasingly mad-as-hell populace determined to "take back America" from it."

Friday, July 16, 2010

The greatest sarcastic tribute in soccer history?

Simon Burnton in the Guardian wrote a classic sarcastic "tribute" to English footballer Emile Heskey, on the occasion of Heskey's retirement from England's national team.

Clearly, you never want to use Burnton as a job reference or select him to make a best man's toast. Well everyone else would enjoy either of those.

"So farewell then, Emile Heskey, England international. We have seen the last of your lumbering runs, felt for the last time that bizarre combination of exhilaration and resignation which comes when you thunder clear on goal. We will wonder no more what the manager's thinking when you start loitering with intent near the fourth official in the 68th minute, and never again hear the words "yes but his link play is world class" in heated post-match discussions down the pub that always draw in one bloke you've never met before who was walking past on his way to the bog and couldn't help overhearing.

Consider yourself free, Emile. Free from the burden of our expectation. Free from long summers spent toiling through (the early stages of) major tournaments when every other footballer of your ability is quite rightly and deservedly enjoying a nice holiday. Free to resume a far more relaxing life on Aston Villa's bench, blissfully protected from rain, snow and our attention.

We will recall with fondness the great 5-1 victory over Germany in 2001, in which you combined so well with Michael Owen and scored your third goal for your country, in only your 17th game. Who would have thought on that balmy night in Munich that 45 subsequent appearances over 10 years would bring just four more, against Denmark, South Africa, Slovakia and Kazakhstan?

Who could have imagined back then, as you terrorised opponents with your bulk, your youthful vigour and your habit of falling over with almost virtuosic ease, that all but two of your seven international goals would come in three- or four-goal victories, that you would muster only two decisive strikes in your entire international England career and that those would come in friendlies against South Africa and Malta?

But it wasn't about the goals with you, Emile. It never was. It was about all the work you put in off the ball. The work television cameras, obsessed as they are with following the ball, completely missed and which - as a result - all but a handful of us have not only already forgotten but never actually knew about in the first place. The kind of shift that made Tony Cottee, your partner in those glorious early days at Leicester, call you "the dream guy to play with". And in many ways you were, Emile. The kind of guy who always managed to make the players around you look good, both intentionally and otherwise.

"I have enjoyed every moment of my England career," Heskey said as he announced his international retirement today. And haven't we all? Don't answer that question."

Kidnapper note generator

Now you can generate your own ransom notes on the interweb. Isn't that the best thing ever? It should save kidnappers hours of magazine clipping time.

All your ridiculous demands will now be catered to.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

George Steinbrenner is still dead

The Yankees' YES network today showed a retrospective of recently deceased blowhard George Steinbrenner which included this shot of George proving he's not prophetic:

To make this tragedy even more entertaining, Rush Limbaugh spewed his usual horrible commentary, making even Steinbrenner somehow look decent in comparison.

Hollywood a-holes face off

What if Christian Bale and Mel Gibson obscenely spazzed out at each other, instead of at their significant others or co-workers? For one thing, it would be much funnier. Also, each celebrity would finally be spoken to as he deserves. Karma, etc.

Warning: many f-bombs in this video:

Friday, July 9, 2010

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign

The site has a nice offering of dumb signs. I particularly like the convoluted one pictured above.

The same site also lists 11 Gorgeously Ironic Misspellings on Protester's signs.

To summarize: Fox News has infromed you that its your duty to respect are country, it's boarders and it's offical lanaguage by speaking English. Also, Obama is a Socialest, not a mavrick. It's about competnce, no excetions. No amensty, nor amnety, nor amesty. We're extremey overtaxed, and our stundents need to learn arithetic.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

New verses of "Star Spangled Banner" discovered

According to this website, Francis Scott Key's original manuscript of the national anthem has been discovered and restored, and several new verses to the song have been found. Can' wait to hear stadium crowds belt out these inspiring words.

Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sad letter from a kid at camp

Camp is no fun with a P-nus rash. And when the other kids razz you for saying "eggs."

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mad skillz on the mic

The shiny-white-tuxedoed gentleman with the weird earpiece hands the mic over to the muscle-bound confused guy.

"Was a hell of a finish. Koko Samoa, one of the bestest energetic men in the ring I've ever seen in the ring today. The belts are on the line, what can I say, he's got one fall going for him.
We may see the belts change hands here tonight. I really feel that me and my new partner here, what we've got going here we feel is one of the best combinations of tag teams I've ever been involved with.

I feel this my partner here is one of the fastest men, one of the most agile, energetic individuals I've ever been teamed with. Now me and Brady are going to be going after the belts. Pendleton. Washington. We got the title on the line, the belts are on the line all week. We got Pendleton. We got Yakima. We're going after the Klan. We're going after Buddha Dean, we're going after Mike Miller. We almost had 'em here tonight. The Klan, Mike, the Klan jumped in there-- they just blindsided us right from behind. It's not gonna happen. By the time the week's over we plan to have those belts right around our waists. Tell 'em Ricky."

Don't worry cement-head, Beardo's got this. You just lurk in the background and rub your forehead in confusion. He'll grab a towel and handle the low-key, confused rambling from here on.

"That's right, skip. The same goes for over here. I couldn't have a better man in my corner. He's big, he's powerful. That's exactly what someone like me needs to compliment myself. Let me tell ya there's a few things I don't understand, and one of 'em's Rip Oliver can bring someone in like Buddha Dean, a flag-wavin'! Flag wavin' commie. Foreigner!

And have the belt! I-- it doesn't make sense to me. Mike Miller you're no better, you support him. The only thing American about you is your name. And they make beer! Let me tell ya, Miller, Buddha Dean, Rip Oliver, we've been beaten. The pants off ya, all over the Pacific Northwest. Everywhere we go we've been puttin' your shoulders down 1-2-3. And when you do happen to maybe come out on a fall, it's from cheatin'. Well let me tell ya, whether it be Pendleton, Yakima, White Swan, Medford, Salem, right back in Eugene, and right here Saturday, we're gonna get ya!"

"All right, thanks very much gentlemen." (You'll never be on camera again.)

"All right, like i said Don, by the end of the week, me and this man here are gonna have those belts, whatever the other one is, we're gonna have 'em!"

"Okay." Intense handshakes.

RIP Bob Probert

The t-shirt he used to wear under his jersey said it all: "Give Blood, Fight Probert."