Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mad skillz on the mic

The shiny-white-tuxedoed gentleman with the weird earpiece hands the mic over to the muscle-bound confused guy.

"Was a hell of a finish. Koko Samoa, one of the bestest energetic men in the ring I've ever seen in the ring today. The belts are on the line, what can I say, he's got one fall going for him.
We may see the belts change hands here tonight. I really feel that me and my new partner here, what we've got going here we feel is one of the best combinations of tag teams I've ever been involved with.

I feel this my partner here is one of the fastest men, one of the most agile, energetic individuals I've ever been teamed with. Now me and Brady are going to be going after the belts. Pendleton. Washington. We got the title on the line, the belts are on the line all week. We got Pendleton. We got Yakima. We're going after the Klan. We're going after Buddha Dean, we're going after Mike Miller. We almost had 'em here tonight. The Klan, Mike, the Klan jumped in there-- they just blindsided us right from behind. It's not gonna happen. By the time the week's over we plan to have those belts right around our waists. Tell 'em Ricky."

Don't worry cement-head, Beardo's got this. You just lurk in the background and rub your forehead in confusion. He'll grab a towel and handle the low-key, confused rambling from here on.

"That's right, skip. The same goes for over here. I couldn't have a better man in my corner. He's big, he's powerful. That's exactly what someone like me needs to compliment myself. Let me tell ya there's a few things I don't understand, and one of 'em's Rip Oliver can bring someone in like Buddha Dean, a flag-wavin'! Flag wavin' commie. Foreigner!

And have the belt! I-- it doesn't make sense to me. Mike Miller you're no better, you support him. The only thing American about you is your name. And they make beer! Let me tell ya, Miller, Buddha Dean, Rip Oliver, we've been beaten. The pants off ya, all over the Pacific Northwest. Everywhere we go we've been puttin' your shoulders down 1-2-3. And when you do happen to maybe come out on a fall, it's from cheatin'. Well let me tell ya, whether it be Pendleton, Yakima, White Swan, Medford, Salem, right back in Eugene, and right here Saturday, we're gonna get ya!"

"All right, thanks very much gentlemen." (You'll never be on camera again.)

"All right, like i said Don, by the end of the week, me and this man here are gonna have those belts, whatever the other one is, we're gonna have 'em!"

"Okay." Intense handshakes.

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